I feel that it is important that I document how it all came to be and my feelings on it.
We weren't planning on having a baby this year. Not at all. It was coming soon but not this soon. We were talking about having a baby around our 4th anniversary. We were confident in our plan and we knew that the path that we were going to purse was good.
So because this wasn't necessarily the exact plan that we had made for ourselves we were pretty shocked and surprised that the Lord had another plan for our family. I found out the day after Valentines Day. I hadn't missed anything but I just had a feeling to take that pregnancy test that I had stashed away under the sink. Landon was at work until 10 that night and around 8 pm I took that test. I had taken pregnancy test before and I thought that this would be the same routine as the previous ones. Take the test, 3 min later a negative. But that was not what happened. I took the test and went on my way. Then as I came back I was shocked. I couldn't believe what I saw. It was positive. I started pacing the bedroom. How can this be? I don't believe that this could be true? So I called Landon and had him bring home some more test.
I took one test that night around 11. Positive again. The next one I waited until the morning to take. Another positive. My mind was spinning. I am pregnant? What? How can that be? We weren't planning this. And we had a plan. What happened to that plan?
I have always wanted to be a mother. But when it was on a different time table than I planned I didn't know what I wanted anymore. I was scared. Well terrified mostly. Everything was changing and I felt like I had no control.
Then Monday came. I was so emotional I couldn't contain my tears. I called my doctor to set up my first appointment. I didn't know what I was doing and I was scared that it wasn't real. They don't see patients until they around 8 weeks along. That was going to be a whole month away. I couldn't handle that. I needed to know now if it was really true. So instead of freaking out too much I drove to the store and bought 2 more test. I took them. Positive. The total was now up to 5 positive test. I had to be true.
I started praying. If this is real, Heavenly Father, please help me. I am totally out of my league and don't know what to do, or how to act. Please help me to be calm and to accept that what is happening is what is going to work out. After I closed my prayer I felt peace. Whatever happens is going to happen. There is a plan for me. I have no idea what that plan is but the Lord does.
This experience has really helped me to rely on my faith in my Heavenly Father. I don't know what to do most of the time. And then when I do make a decision I make wrong ones a lot.